After reading Dave Hamlin’s blog post Wanted: Dead and Alive, I think I got it.
Dave describes better than I ever could what God’s been up to for the last, oh, I don’t know, 55 or so years of my life. The last eight have been especially significant, as well as especially painful. I felt abandoned by him, but knew better. Still, I couldn’t pinpoint the lesson while battling self-doubt and depression.
There was my broken knee that kept me stuck for months in a leg cast, a broken nose that gave way to recognizing how much self-hatred I still harbored, my broken spirit that suffered through dark periods I hope are gone forever, and broken relationships that I thought would mend with time, but didn’t.
God’s been using all this brokenness to make me more whole than ever, but not until he killed me dead, like Dave says in his post (you have to read it).
Here it is in his words:
“After this event (Dave receiving a message from God through an inscription by writer Elisabeth Elliot), Jesus gave me about three decades to embrace His message, but I never really got around to dying. So Jesus began killing me.”
That’s it. Jesus wanted me dead to what others think and how much stuff I have and how many Facebook friends like me and how many publications print my writing, all so I can live his way.
The better way.
The freer way.
Since I don’t relinquish control easily, mine’s been a slow death.
I have, however, felt more alive this past month than in a decade. Apparently, nothing does as much for the body and soul as a good killing.
What in your life needs to be killed off so you can live the life God has planned for you?
WRite wHere I’m supposed to be – I’m willing to keep being broken open, to keep dying until I’m fully alive. Are you with me?
On the side: Thanks to Beth Vogt and her daughter, Katie Beth, for introducing me to Dave’s blog. Thanks to Dave for time and again writing relatable posts full of truth and light.