“I cannot do all the good that the world needs. But the world needs all the good that I can do.” Jana Stanfield
I took off the summer from posting on my blog even though I had posts ready to publish. I kept thinking, …
Seriously, God, “all the good I can do” is to write about depression, suicide, and difficult emotions no one wants to hear about? This was never my plan.
I stalled posting for months to avoid being misunderstood and judged; to avoid being uncomfortable and making others uncomfortable; and to avoid taking risks even though it seems Love happens most often in the thick of God’s risky plans for us. I recently read Mark Batterson’s book, Not Safe: Discovering God’s Dangerous Plan For Your Life. He said, “If you fear man, you will offend God. If you fear God, you will offend man. The choice is yours.”
Lysa TerKeurst came to mind. She’s a Bible teacher, founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries for women, and author of It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way about her struggle with her husband’s infidelity and her cancer diagnosis. Her Facebook posts are widely read, so when she posted on social media about her husband’s infidelity and her plan to divorce him, tens of thousands of people were privy to their problems. Some were offended.
She tried to salvage their marriage privately for more than a year before going public, saying she made the hard decision so as to get ahead of the rumor mill. Can you imagine the anxiety she felt over her marriage, her family, and her ministry? She posted anyway, then took off the summer.
During those months, Christian leaders called for her resignation from the ministry she began. They criticized her for speaking out. They admonished her for the part they speculated she played in her husband’s wrongdoings.
As it turned out, Love happened in that one misunderstood, judged, uncomfortable, risky moment. She said in an interview that her husband admitted his wakeup call happened because of her very public post about his ongoing affair. God used that moment to save their marriage and to extend her ministry beyond what anyone imagined.
I’m grateful for the support and smallness of my following while I grapple with writing about topics I never planned on like difficult emotions, and especially depression and suicide. I shied away from posting about these topics even when I felt nudged because the topics were scary and negative. I preferred memes on Facebook that made me laugh and cute pictures of my grandkids. However, I kept stumbling onto stories about people who struggled, and I couldn’t get them off my mind.
The Bible verse Proverbs 16:1 says our plans are not God’s plans. Instead of him going along with what we have in mind, Love happens. God breaks our hearts for what breaks his, then uses our brokenness to bring us closer to him and to make us more like Jesus, and we get to help others.
It all sounds beautiful and holy and self-sacrificing except the fits I threw along the way …
Just three weeks ago, I attended a writers group where one of the members asked afterwards about the topic of my blog and manuscript. I said, “I’m writing about depression, suicide, and getting in touch with our difficult emotions. Upbeat topics, huh? Topics no one wants to read about.”
What in this world kind of answer was that?
We laughed uncomfortably, and she walked on.
I left the bookstore feeling frustrated and foolish because I still worried more about what people thought than what I thought God wanted from me. I wish this was a one-time occurrence, but I’ve thrown fits for years about my writing.
My prayer that evening turned into an ultimatum, “God, if you want me to write and blog about tough topics I keep questioning, give me a sign – one so clear that I stop doubting and start sharing. Otherwise, I’m done.”
The next night, my husband asked if I wanted to watch the movie Love Happens.
“What’s it about?”
“I don’t know. There’s no write-up,” he said.
“How can there be no write-up? There’s always a blurb.”
“There’s just not one, but Jennifer Aniston’s in it and you like her.”
If I’d known the storyline, the impact may not have been so BIG.
During the opening scene, Dr. Burke Ryan ran onto stage and addressed the audience on the first evening of his seminar based on his bestseller A-Okay!, a book about how he coped with the loss of his wife who died three years prior. He told a story of a football coach who hadn’t dealt with the loss of his brother. Instead of celebrating when his team won the national championship, the coach committed suicide.
I sat straight up and said, “I can’t believe this. We’re five minutes into the movie and he’s written a bestselling book about dealing with difficult emotions and he’s talked about suicide.”
I had my sign so clear that I could stop doubting.
The following morning, I woke up to several online articles shared by friends on Facebook from sites like The Washington Post (see below) and People about Jarrid Wilson, 30, a well-known and loved pastor who died by suicide. There were hundreds of comments from formerly depressed and suicidal people he helped. Two days prior, I attended a suicide prevention workshop at our church on World Suicide Prevention Day. Jarrid took his life just hours prior to that day and on the same day he officiated a funeral for a young woman who took her life.
Things kept happening that I knew weren’t coincidental.
A week or so later, a friend messaged me when she noticed I posted on social media about depression. Her daughter struggled with it, so she wanted to know if I knew anyone she could talk to who dealt with the same thing. I said, “I do.”
She gave permission for me to share what she wrote about the stigma, “Depression isn’t like a failing gall bladder. There’s embarrassment attached. Guilt – guilt that as an intelligent person with a roof over our heads – but there’s still no intellectualizing our way out of it. Add that to a lifetime of ‘get off your butt’ mentality and knowing ‘someone has it worse than you’ and you end up hiding. Feeling weak and ashamed.”
She ended her note, “Thanks for your insights. Knowing that other people have faced similar demons makes me feel less alone. And less nuts.”
Lysa TerKeurst’s example. Lysa’s book. Mark Batterson’s book. The movie Love Happens. The workshop at church. Jarrid’s suicide. All the suicides before his. World Suicide Prevention Day. My friend’s message. And the other thousand things that had an impact.
Each one reinforced why hard conversations have to happen whether it’s about suicide, depression, addiction, marital strife, financial problems, or some other struggle. Each one reinforced my purpose and that we all have one. And each of these reinforced Love happens when we risk being misunderstood, judged, and uncomfortable so others don’t feel so alone. That’s all the good we can do.
I hope you’ll join the discussion here and keep it going on your own pages. Love happens when we talk and listen.
In This Together,
Kim
Jarrid Wilson, a megachurch pastor known widely for his mental health advocacy, dies by suicide (The Washington Post)
I love you so much, Kim. Keep on doing the hard stuff as it is helping so many people.
Awe, thanks, Faye! I love you too.
Thank you for continuing to move forward and for being transparent. We need your words. 💛
Thanks so much, JJ. Friends like you make it easier. Thinking about y’all.
Will share with my friends. Thanks again Kim
Thanks for passing it along, Joel. I appreciate all you do to make FB an inspirational place.
You always give me more food for thought.
You do the same for me, Maria. I love when we share. I sure wish you lived closer.
Thank you Kim for sharing your feelings and encouraging others to do the same!
Well put Kim. I recently did a class on glorious grief. I expected my daughters woukd come but few others. I was wrong. Many came and listened and shared. It was hard. I regretted ever offering to speak and wondered if I could skip out. God smiled and said no … focus on Me. It opened some scars so more healing could happen inside. Oh did I mention it was hard! Write on friend you are speaking truth into others and healing you inside.
I love you, Peggy … for being you and for doing the hard things. You did mention that. LoL 🙂 And I sure understand!
I wish I had known about the class. I would have been there too. If you do it again, please let me know.
After I read your “hard story,” I clicked onto FB and read another one. It shouldn’t surprise me that now the hard stories will crop up everywhere.
A writer/speaker friend has had cancer three times. The last time, doctors had to remove her tongue. Makes me cringe to think about it. After whatever they did for her (I’m not sure how they fixed it), she just asked her publisher if she could be the one to read her audiobook for her latest book coming out in November titled Relentless. She said she was afraid she couldn’t do it, scared about how challenging and exhausting it would be, but she knew she was supposed.
That’s how God gets the glory, when we do that stuff that’s too hard to do alone. I love how you listen and do what you’re called to do.
Thanks a lot, Patricia. I hope it helps others as much to read it as it helps me to share.
Well done! Such lovely words. I suffered postpartum depression and panic disorder following four out of six pregnancies. I knew know one who had shared their suffering. I was all alone. I was one in three. Share the hard things.
Thanks so much, Erin. I’m so happy we connected through Hope*Writers and happier still that you’re close by. I don’t feel like the lone writer. LoL 🙂
I appreciate you sharing on here and being transparent like you were the night of our HW meeting.
So many women suffer during one of our toughest times, after having a baby. Trying to figure out what to do with a little one is enough for anyone, much less adding depression and anxiety. My daughter had some issues too. It would have been nice to know someone else to talk to about it.
Can you post your blog post link here? I’d love to read it.
Keep doing the hard things. So many need to hear what you have to share.
Thanks, my friend. It’s been a long year and a longtime coming figuring out I have to write this or nothing. I tried to bargain for home decor and organization or a book about creativity, but God didn’t go for either one. LoL 🙂
I hope you’re doing good. I’d love to catch up.
You are always “Spot On”.
Thank you for not needing any other endorsement than GOD!
You always make me a better person when I read your blogs and when I am around you!
Thank you Dear Friend!🥰
Awe, thanks, Lyn.
It’s been a long time coming. God knows I value signs and this one was pretty clear … don’t you think? 🙂 I’m so grateful for it.
I appreciate you, your encouragement, and your friendship so much. I love you lots!
From Facebook (Kim Henson) ~
9 likes, 2 shares (Katrina D. Owen, Joel Carter)
Maria Franken “I cannot do all the good that the world needs. But the world needs all the good that I can do.” Jana Stanfield <--this 1 spoke to me big time... gonna repost it soon. <3 Kim Henson Me too, Maria Franken. Such a BIG quote with BIG meaning. <3 2 Maria Franken Kim - I'm home with a fever today & laying in bed, like a bum, and feeling like I'm missing opportunities to change the world! lol I'm glad you keep trying to do good with putting words to: "when love happens." 🙂 1 Maria Franken PS: I'm super blessed that you keep asking God, and doing the foot-work 😉 1 Kim Henson Maria Franken, oh, I'm so sorry. But don't you worry ... you're changing my world from right where you are. You'll never know how much I benefit from your comments and your Love. <3 Feel better fast. I know your students miss you bunches. I love you! 🥰 1 Maria Franken Kim - thanks hon... love you back.... love ur front, too! <--hehehe that never gets old for me! 😀 😍 1 Kim Henson Maria Franken, never gets old here either. 😍
Good job, Kim.
Thanks so much, Jan. I appreciate you, your insights, and your humor. Thanks for all the laughs. Keep on writing the funny stuff. We need it.