“Never feel the need to defend yourself. Sometimes silence is the best response.” Unknown
My friend Betty often reminded me, “What you defend, you make true.”
I claimed not to understand her advice because I didn’t want to understand it. It felt like a life or death sentence for me to be understood. If I felt accused, judged or blamed, I explained my side of the story … to death. I felt like I’d die otherwise.
My daughter and I were on the phone just recently when she said, “There’s a dead horse over here.”
Get it? Beat a dead horse.
We laughed together, but when I’m feeling alone and attacked, I actually get shaky if someone’s being unreasonable. I feel panicked and talk myself into a tizzy trying to explain. I defend myself until I prove them right because I sound so crazy.
I know where this all started and I understand it’s rooted in fear, but I react anyway.
I talk way too much when I wish I’d follow the advice in Proverbs 10:19 (Amplified), “When there are many words, transgression and offense are unavoidable, but he who controls his lips and keeps thoughtful silence is wise.”
Betty was right, the more I talk and defend myself, the more I prove how right the other person is about me being wrong. It seems unfair, but that’s how it gets turned around. That’s how I help turn it around. I won’t be quiet.
Last night while reading my Bible, the very story I read fit this blog post perfectly. In 2 Chronicles 32, Sennacherib, king of Assyria, threatened to attack Judah and their king, Hezekiah.
Verse after verse after verse, Sennacherib and his servants mocked God and Hezekiah. They spread rumors and told his people that he couldn’t be trusted and neither could God. Sennacherib told them not to be stupid by following along.
Do you know how Hezekiah responded? After that long verbal attack, Hezekiah only took up one verse. It said, “King Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz cried out in prayer to heaven about this …”
He prayed.
The story reminds me of the social media memes that say, “Be like Bob” and Bob makes good decisions. Be like Hezekiah and pray instead of defending yourself.
I’d love to think that after putting this on paper, I’d take my own advice – stop defending myself. Be quiet. Pray.
By the way, God sent an angel, fought for Hezekiah, and won. We’re in this together … with God.
In This Together,
Kim
It is only natural to correct the record, to defend truth about ourselves, our families, and our beliefs. Otherwise the “silence gives consent axiom seems to further extend the wrong and untruths.
Somewhere there has to be a balance. God will be that balance, and time always reveals truth whether in our lifetime or not, in the meantime real hurts happen , and real miracles.
Another way of looking at “what you defend you make true” can apply to standing for truth don’t you think?
I could not ever be able to be a Hezekiah, however, what an powerful example, especially one who on his prayer about life God granted him 15 more years.
I can be a Joel, and allow God to fight my battles, yet learning to patiently wait on God is a lesson I definitely need to learn better.
Good blog for discussion.
Thanks for always keeping it real.
Thank you Kim… you remind me to shut up .. Thank you . It’s a struggle but I’m doing better . Thank you for doing this. I feel like you’ve been spying on me and now you’re spilling the beans and changing the names to protect whoever.. unbelievable!
I look forward everyday!
Connie G
Hahaha, Connie. We’re so much alike! Yes, the names have been changed to protect the innocent … and the guilty. 😂
I think there are a lot of us out there even if some people won’t admit it. I’m grateful you don’t mind sharing. It helps me to really believe how I sign off “in this together.”
Sure hope you know how much I love and appreciate you! ❤️
Oooh, this is good, Joel. You’re right, considering your comment, it’s good for discussion.
I’ll have to think on “silence gives consent” because that’s a valid concern the same as being overly defensive.
Balance deserves consideration too. A friend joked that she recognizes balance when she swings by it. I’m kind of like that … one extreme or the other. I needed that reminder. 🤔
Thanks for offering food for thought. I always enjoy hearing your thoughts.