“We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment.” Bil Keane
Bil Keane was most known for his newspaper comic The Family Circus. Included in his circle of friends were other wholesomely funny people like author and humorist Erma Bombeck and creator of the Peanuts comic strip Charles M. Schulz. A lot of us associate him with his best-known characters Charlie Brown and Snoopy.
It’s funny when I think about humor, I almost always think about how I felt around two friends I hung around when I was in my late 30s. Both of them were about the age of my mom when I met them. Since my relationship with Mom was strained, I think I looked for someone to “adopt” me.
My husband and I hooked up right off with Sarah when we started attending a new church where our kids (in their early teens) asked to go. As we departed every Sunday after sitting together with Sarah during the service, she always (every single week for two years) said the same thing, “Have a blessed week.”
Everything she said sounded holy like that, which got my head singing “holy like” to the tune of Walker Hayes’ popular song “Fancy Like.” I doubt Sarah would think this was funny.
I tried hard around her to say right and righteous things. I never felt like I measured up, but I wanted to because I thought that’s what she wanted. I ended up frustrated every Sunday (every single week for two years) instead of blessed.
Around the same time, I met Betty. She often read her Bible and told me things I needed to hear from it, things that were practical, life changing, and funny. I never imagined there was anything humorous in that book. She encouraged me to read the words in red (Jesus’ words) when I said I felt overwhelmed by the rest. She modeled loving everyone, lifting up everyone, and letting everyone be exactly who they were.
And sometimes she cussed.
And sometimes I cussed around her, which I seldom did until I met her. Sometimes our cussing made us laugh. The weird thing was, I never felt bad about it or like I was doing anything wrong or unwholesome … unless I thought about Sarah. Not God, but Sarah.
I remember thinking if Sarah heard me, she’d have nothing else to do with me, but not Betty and not Jesus. I thought there was nothing I could do to make the two of them stop loving me. At least, that’s what Betty said.
Best of all was how much Betty and I laughed together. I’d get on the phone crying so hard she couldn’t understand me, then get off laughing so hard I’d be in tears.
Now that Sarah and Betty are gone, I often think about their legacies.
I still hear Betty’s holy advice, feel her holy example of Love, and miss her laughter so, so much. I think about how comfortable and loved I felt around her and how sitting at her feet and learning must have been how it felt to sit at Jesus’ feet. Even though she swore sometimes, being in her home felt like stepping into The Andy Griffith Show – genuine, caring, and filled with laughter.
I appreciate putting aside trying hard and lightening up with Jesus, and laughing. Just for the record, I hardly ever cuss anymore, but when I do, I think about Betty and how she would have laughed.
In This Together,
Kim
FYI: I’m blogging my book titled On The Other Side of Trying Hard: Healing, Happiness, and Holiness. Because the blog posts will eventually be an entire manuscript instead of stand-alone stories, some posts may leave you hanging. I hope you’ll hang in here with us anyway ‘cause a happy ending is coming. Each blog post title includes the chapter title first. The phrase in parentheses is one subheading within the chapter. I’d love to hear your reflections, questions, and suggestions. I’m over-the-top grateful you’re here.
From my email (I’ll leave her anonymous since she didn’t comment for the public to see, but I wanted to share it anyway):
Beautiful Kim!!
Laughter and cussing a little are good for the soul!!
Have an amazing day!
My response:
Awe, thanks so much, my friend. I worried a little about posting this, but I can’t seem to help myself. lol 😂 I have to be true to me or, well, you know how it goes when we aren’t.
Have a wonderful day yourself! xoxox ❤️
As the eldest of preachers kids in our family, the training to be good examples and all that goes along with that and especially my Mothers strict guidance about using even substitute words and phrases still prevents me from conversational habitual cussing except when I’m really really angry, hurt or upset with something and hopefully it is not in hearing range of anyone.
Its not a part of my everyday conversation or language. Some phrases and cuss words go beyond and fit in a category I would subtitle the worst of gutter words, and are to me absolutely too much. I have many friends who cuss, and laugh and use that language freely. I find humor in many ways, The Carter side of my family always mixed fun with every day life including work, like to tell jokes, play pranks and tell funny stories, even laughing when hurting with misfortune or accidental injuries. Yes, Laughter is good medicine and Joy is definitely a strength from God. Many jokes insert adjectives for emphasis as if they were necessary. I’m sure I break many other traditions that are not considered Christlike, by others, and I try to filter those things from others that I do not agree with, and we can still be good friends. Practicing unconditional love as we focus on in our Facebook Love is Blind group is teaching me to be more open to all people, all beliefs, all traditions, while still trying to be a good example of Christian love without being judgemental or disrespectful. ” Love others as I have loved you” ” to have friends you must be friendly” Yes, you can just be irreverent ” Bad to the Bone” and say things not holy and still be loved by God. A writer friend of mine used to advise that for every 1 inch of bad press it takes 10 x the effort to wash away negative press. I find it very interesting that filtering water through certain types of earth, sand, things we think of as dirt, dirty cleanses it. Even washing hands with sand works!
Love your writing
Thanks for letting me express,Love to all.
I always forget you were a preacher’s kid. I bet that added a lot of stress to most everything … kind of feeling like you’re in a fishbowl and watched constantly. Of course, the advantage is that you’re in a fishbowl, watched constantly, and that seems to have taught you to be vigilant about the example you set. I know for some preacher’s kids it worked the opposite, but it sounds like it worked to your advantage as far as building character and stature. Thanks for sharing your perspective about that.
I wish all of my friends could have met Betty. She changed my life before I gave much credit to God who, of course, was responsible for us meeting and having the relationship we had. He probably also used her to save my life. I was in a pretty low place when she and I met.
It still strikes me as very interesting that my right-acting friend at church had a negative impact while Betty had such a positive one. Even now her realness impacts my writing. I seldom get preachy or righteous or use Christianese ’cause she taught me not to. She had a way of grounding my feet and humbling my heart. An editor with the Lifeway publications said that’s why she ran my articles … because my stories didn’t sound like I was delivering a sermon, but talking to readers like they were friends sitting around my living room.
I think God knew I wasn’t going to trust Him until I had at least one person I could also trust, so He gave me Betty. Since then, He’s given me many more special friends to help, ones like you and my other friends/readers who comment and make me think and encourage and challenge my points of view.
Thanks so much, Joel! I love your comments and they impact my writing in a positive way just like Betty did.