“What if I fail? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” Erin Hanson
Since my ballet and clogging days, I’d wanted to dance upfront one more time. Teaching Zumba seemed a low stress way until my classes filled up. It’s not like I packed in hundreds of people, but the more students who came, the more pressure I felt to keep them coming.
When the gym closed, I turned down jobs to teach at the local recreation center, a karate studio, and a private gym. I was happy to run from my Zumba teaching days.
The same thing’s happening all over again even though I’m no Chewbacca Mom. Blog readers and viewers keep showing up, so I have to also. And to keep you reading and viewing, I have to keep coming up with content. You know, I have to write reader-worthy stuff and say viewer-worthy things.
I question being up for the challenge.
“Don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen.” Unknown
I can’t believe for a second I envied Derek Harvey, fellow blogger whose blog post went viral. His post titled “The Silent Killer of Relationships” reached more than a million views and almost overnight. I choke a little thinking about the hundreds of comments he was left to answer. I congratulated him and told him it was a blogger’s dream while heading back to the safety of my dozens of readers and a handful of comments. His might be a blogger’s dream, but mine is an introvert’s dream – a few close friends commenting, and then going to bed.
On the heels of his viral blog post, Candace Payne’s original Facebook video about the Chewbacca mask was viewed 158 million times and shared 3,349,721. She’s clearly enjoying the publicity, giveaways, and travel. If you don’t know about her, click Chewbacca Mom.
I thought, Why couldn’t that be me?
Next thought, I’d have a nervous breakdown.
Her stardom brought me to my knees, not to beg for it, but to barter against it.
Dear God, please spare me that kind of exposure unless I’m feeling skinny, keeping self-doubt at bay, and John says my hair’s looking stylish. If people watch my videos, let every single one of them Love me and Love everything I say. No negative comments, please. Not one. And hold my hand so my feet can’t run away from the 40 friends who do continue to show up and say kind things. Amen.
I felt stuck thinking, I’ve begun it, so I have to keep up this blogging and video thing.
An argument ensued in my head because, actually, I don’t have to keep blogging and vlogging. I can run like Forrest because, like one voice said, “It’s better to leave them before they leave you.”
Another said, “Pray all you want, the more readers and viewers, the more criticism.”
The loudest voice mocked, “What are you worried about anyway? Like you said, you’re no Chewbacca Mom.”
I thought, I already acknowledged I’m not Candace Payne, but my videos aren’t flops.
“Not yet, but isn’t that what you’re afraid of? It’s just a matter of time before your ideas and your viewers dry up.”
I’d heard enough.
I’m up late (again) and confessing, not so you’ll comment, “Keep blogging and vlogging,” but so I’ll come to that conclusion myself. #GettingYourOwnLife
It’s like when my husband John consoled my fear of heights when he told me I didn’t have to hike. He suggested I spend the night at the hotel while he and our kids trekked the Grand Canyon. I could tell he didn’t understand why I had to do it. I wasn’t even sure. I just knew I did.
“Running away from any problem only increases the distance from the solution.” Unknown
Running from Zumba wasn’t the same, but the thought of running from blogging and vlogging put me back at the canyon’s edge. I can’t explain it, but I can’t run. I have to do it.
I think it has to do with being impassioned, and the quandary of passion is it’s so important I can’t run and so important, running’s all I want to do so I won’t fail.
What’s so important that it keeps you from running away, but makes you want to?
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” Nelson Mandela
In This Together,
Click here to read Running Scared, an older blog post on this same topic.
Thanks to Joel Carter for the magnificent ferris wheel photo, and to Pixabay.com for the others.