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“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, authors of Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

One of the absurdities of life is our perspective about change.

A lot of us don’t like it. We resist it even though we want other people to do it. We don’t know how to do it until it comes to everyone around us, then we become experts. 

The craziest part of all is how unwilling we are to change even though trying harder to do it our own way makes us miserable. 

  • Change

When I attended 12-step meetings, I heard dozens of speakers admit, “I can’t change anyone including myself.”

Afterwards, I watched them dig in just like me. We increased our efforts, did more of what we had already tried, and expected to get better, which is the definition of insanity.  

I gave the 12 steps a try, especially the ones that encouraged me to admit my powerlessness, lean into my belief in God, and increase my willingness to let Him help.

He and I could have worked together just fine if He had changed what I asked Him to instead of expecting me to change. 

It wasn’t until trying hard nearly killed me that I became willing to do something different. Some of us put ourselves through a lot before we learn our lessons. By the time I joined the church across the street, I was willing to accept the only solution there was to trying hard. 

Pastor JP Miller said something like this, “We can’t change others. We can’t even change ourselves, but God can and here’s how.” 

“Spend time with Jesus. Sit still with Him. Have a relationship.” 

“And He’ll change you.” 

Pain makes us willing. 

In This Together,

FYI: I’m blogging my book titled On The Other Side of Trying Hard: Healing, Happiness, and Holiness. Because the blog posts will eventually be an entire manuscript instead of stand-alone stories, some posts may leave you hanging. I hope you’ll hang in here with us anyway ‘cause a happy ending is coming. Each blog post title includes the chapter title first. The phrase in parentheses is one subheading within the chapter. I’d love to hear your reflections, questions, and suggestions. I’m over-the-top grateful you’re here.

I have something for you!


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