“Yes.” “Yes.” “Yes.”
The Dog
Church seemed an unlikely place over which to have a breakdown, but nonetheless, that’s the place that prompted it.
My church friends also helped end my severe bout with run-on yeses.
Our family participated in three, four, sometimes more events each week. In fact, every single church-related activity I was asked to join, attend and lead, I did.
I said “yes” to every single one.
Eventually, I got up the courage to stop overdoing.
So, when a woman from church approached me about helping with our youth group on Wednesday evenings, I told her I couldn’t fit another thing into my hectic schedule. I explained the dilemma of trying to squeeze youth group responsibilities in between teaching kindergarten, mothering our two young children, planning and instructing four-year-old Sunday School classes, and attending circle meetings twice monthly.
Did I mention homework, supper and baths?
“It’s a good thing everyone doesn’t feel the way you do, or we wouldn’t have a youth program,” she said.
“If everyone feels like me, we shouldn’t have a youth program,” was all I could think to say.
My response was sincere, but still, by the time I walked through the front door of our house that evening, I reeled, cried and carried on like I killed one of the youth, instead of simply saying I wasn’t available to teach them. I pitched a fit about the woman’s expectation, her accusation, and my need to please her. My need to please everyone.
Seems it was that full-blown hissy fit that put saying “no” into perspective and made it okay, although I still want everyone to like my answer.
What’s your no factor? Is it easy to say “no” or does it seem more like a four letter word?
WRite wHere I’m supposed to be – God, help me to to more easily say “no” to others when that’s the right answer, even if they don’t like it, so I have time for me and you.
On the side: Proverbs 31 Ministries blog post, People Pleasing by Lisa TerKeurst.
great post ! learning the hard way to say NO !
Thanks, Sheri. Me too.
Boy, did you hit the nail on the head.For about 40 years I did the same thing. Sounds too familiar. I still have trouble saying no.
We should form a support group. : )
Kim, I know exactly how you felt! Once when my children were smaller (like elementary ages) I was working almost 20 hours per day in the weeks before Christmas, plus trying to be a decent mother at home, when I was called and asked to bake cupcakes for the Christmas party for my daughter\’s class. It seems the mother who was supposed to do them just \”didnt have the time!\” I remember sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor at midnight, crying, and trying to find cupcake pans so I could stay up all night baking and decorating them. In retrospect, how I wish I\’d just said no. It would have made a lot of people around me much happier!
I know! What were we thinking? These days, I\’m too tired to say \’yes\’ all the time and I don\’t have the mentality or the motivation to do all that stuff. But, when we\’re young, I guess we just don\’t know better.
Great post Kim! Sometimes it\’s not about saying no to others, but saying \”yes\” to you!
That\’s a great one, Agnes. I\’ve heard it before (about saying \’yes\’ to yourself) but I keep forgetting it. Thanks … I need reminders.