“I’m fat, aren’t I?” she said.
Instead of gently responding that maybe exercise and an eating plan may help, I spent hours telling her what I thought she wanted to hear, that she wasn’t overweight at all.
When a mutual friend reproached another about being terribly negative, the accused friend turned to me and began explaining how she had given up the habit of pessimism years ago. Then she asked if I thought our friend was right. Even though my friend’s negativity seemed glaringly obvious, I said, “No, of course not. You’re not negative.”
“If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answers to.” Proverb quote
(Artwork by Cindy DeLuz)
I suspect my people pleasing answers were not helpful, but I didn’t have it in me to be honest with either friend, even though they asked.
These days I lean toward answering with compassion, but also with at least some forthrightness.
However, it makes me wonder why we even ask these sorts of questions.
Like after our second child was born and I asked my husband two weeks later if I looked like I lost all my weight. He lovingly said, “No, not quite.”
I cried and cried, although probably not because of what he said. I just wanted him to buy me some time before I faced the mirror.
I cried because I already knew.
What question do you keep asking even though the answer is obvious?
WRite wHere I’m supposed to be – If we have to ask, we probably already know the answer. It’s best to give up trying to finagle a way out, and get on with changing what needs changing.
On the side: For more inspiration and artwork, check out Cindy DeLuz’s blog.
